A Mother’s Story: My Son’s Addiction

Lorraine’s son Sam has recently completed residential addiction treatment for his drug addiction. Lorraine shares her story.

Sam is number 3 of our 4 boys. Sam had a pretty normal childhood; busy with sport and playing with his brothers.

He was the happiest child and always known as my ‘out of the box’ thinker.

As a family, we never drank alcohol in the house.

I home schooled the boys when they were young, before we moved closer to town, and I became a teacher at a local school .

I would say that Sam was the only child who pushed the boundaries.

He was always the rebellious one.

From his early teenage years, Sam always wanted to do his own thing and experiment.

I can remember very clearly when he was a teenager. I told him that he didn’t have to make all of the mistakes himself and he could learn from others’ mistakes instead.

He looked very solemnly at me and said, “I have to make these mistakes mum”.

As a parent I remember I laughed and said oh great, here we go.

During high school, we knew that Sam was wagging a little bit, sneaking out at night, and getting into mischief.

He struggled to find a path and purpose and seemed lost. He had started to pull himself away from church and the family.

It is really difficult to watch your child transition into adulthood.

We are so used to having a certain level of control and then suddenly, they have their own mind and decision making power.

At 18, we had asked Sam to leave the family home.

It had reached the point where the behavioural patterns simply couldn’t continue.

He wasn’t following the house rules or family expectations, and we felt he needed to build on his independence.

He happily agreed and continued to come home every Thursday night for family night.

This was nice; there were no more arguments, and we didn’t have to be on Sam’s case about anything.

We could just enjoy the moment for what it was.

At 19, he decided to join the Army.

We were all there to support him, the entire extended family. It has always been important for us to celebrate each other’s big milestones.

The Army had been a passion for him, and it also gave him a sense of purpose in life.

During his time in the army, Sam started a family.

It wasn’t long after this when Sam was medically discharged.

Due to the demands of the Army, he had begun to lose his way.

He lost his career, his relationship, access to his daughter and his purpose.

We tried to understand and help Sam as much as we could. Once COVID hit, Sam came back home to our small rural town and lived with us.

In that time and over the span of a few years, he was fighting in Family Court to see his daughter.

We later lost that battle, and I would say this was the final straw for Sam.

We knew Sam was in a bad place because of the experienced grief and loss.

We knew he was starting to make choices that again went against our family values.

He never missed a family event, but now he was always quick to leave.

Sam has invariably had an interesting perception about how he fitted into the family and into life.

When he was enlisted in the Army, he felt included.

This is when I feel the alcohol abuse started.

The Army seems to include that type of culture, it is a norm.

As a family, we suspected Sam had started to drink alcohol heavily, but we never saw a drunk Sam, even up until the day he went to rehab.

He was never angry, and he never raised his voice.

Instead, he would disappear for a few days couch surfing.

At the beginning of 2024, I received a phone call at 8:15am. A detective was at our address and requesting to speak to my husband and I.

When we arrived home, the police searched the house and told us the reason for the visit was because of Sam.

As parents, we were a little shocked.

We knew there had been things going on for Sam in the background; we live in a small town and have done so for 24 years.

Some people in the town had already spoken to us about Sam’s drug use.

Because of this, I had approached Sam about 6 weeks prior to the detective arriving on our doorstep.

Sam had admitted to using a small amount and insisted that he had it under control. But until this moment, we had no idea the exact extent of what Sam was really going through.

Sam was arrested and sent to the watchhouse.

Police couldn’t tell us everything and we had no idea what was happening or how to help.

We were desperately trying to work out the next steps.

We couldn’t talk to Sam.

We had tried to get messages into the watchhouse and found out a bit later that Sam had never received these.

A few days after the arrest, Sam’s lawyer reached out to us to discuss bail conditions and the need to link Sam to a rehab.

I didn’t know anything about rehabs.

I started researching and ringing everywhere.

I must have rung at least 10 different places.

As a family, we don’t have excess money, and this was a barrier.

We were stuck and now thinking about how we were going to fund rehab for Sam.

I got told ‘no’ time and time again because of waitlists, our location, and a clinic’s inability to admit on bail conditions.

Then I saw Hader Clinic Queensland and the website mentioned funding from DVA.

I rang and Jo answered.

I told her about our situation and that we required a letter of admission to a rehab for court in a few days’ time.

Hader Clinic Queensland was the only rehab that said yes to us.

Hader Clinic Queensland organised an intake interview for Sam while he was in a watchhouse in Far North Queensland.

Sam’s lawyer required a placement offer letter for court the following morning at 9am.

We both nervously sat in court refreshing our emails, with the letter arriving just as we needed it to.

We were not successful at gaining bail for Sam on the first attempt.

As soon as I got home, I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and emotional.

My husband was overseas and my own support network at that time was limited.

It felt like mayhem.

I rang Jo back and asked for advice on what to do for the next court appearance.

Jo organised for another letter to be written.

Jo also made a point of telling me that I needed to start looking after myself.

As Sam’s parent through this whole process, I had forgotten about my own self-care and needed to reflect on what was inside my control.

After the next court appearance, Sam was granted bail to Hader Clinic Queensland and admitted to the hospital 3 days later – fully funded by DVA.

With Sam being at Hader Clinic Queensland, we knew he was safe.

We spoke to Sam while he was there and we, as a family, felt at ease knowing he was getting the help (if he chose to) from a team that had been nothing but supportive to us.

We knew that Sam had to be willing and ready for change and recovery.

There is always that lingering possibility that your son will not be, but we knew as long as he was at Hader Clinic Queensland – there was at least a chance.

As a family, we completed an initial session with Viv and still to this day are completing post-rehab sessions with JJ.

I was told that I would get my first contact with Sam in 10 days upon entering the clinic.

The most significant thing I remember from my conversation with Sam was him telling me that he went to rehab because he had to but now, he knew without a doubt that he needed to.

As a mum that was exactly what I had been waiting to hear and I felt confident that he was heading in the right direction in his thinking.

I loved hearing that Sam was doing community within the clinic.

It was important for me as a parent to know that Sam was doing normal life activities as well as focusing on recovery.

While using substances, Sam was paranoid and distant. In Hader Clinic Queensland, he was reminded how to laugh again, be present and enjoy his life.

In such a difficult situation, Hader Clinic Queensland made things so much easier.

As a parent, I was stressed, completely out of my depth and experiencing the immense pressure of a legal timeline.

Jo at Hader Clinic Queensland was such an answer to prayer.

Even still to this day, remembering how Jo was in dealing with me and our situation, makes me emotional and oh so thankful.

She was the only person out of every rehab I called that was able and willing to help us as a family and she made the transition possible in such a caring and understanding way.

Growing up, Sam was always first to avoid consequences for his actions.

Now Sam is in a strong place where he can face his life.

Sam tells me that he doesn’t regret anything that has happened in his life because it has made him the person he is now – he is playing his tape forward.

He has learnt to lean into his differences rather than fight against them.

Now clean and sober after completing the 90-day rehabilitation program, Sam is aiming to start his own NA meeting in our home town, attending daily meetings either in person or online and working on his steps with his sponsor.

My son who has always bounced around the edge of the boundary, is now a half hour within the boundary.

I am so proud of him and his recovery so far.

As a mother, I continue to seek my own support.

I am in constant reflection of the three C’s. I didn’t cause it. I can’t cure it and  I can’t control it.

It is important to know that your son will continue to experience triggers after rehab, this will be inevitable.

Recovery is their choice and is a daily work in progress.

Addiction will always be a disease.

Now that my son is in recovery, I do the little things, I don’t enable and I support his recovery in whichever way he allows me to.

Names and photographs of this client may have been changed to protect their privacy.

Dr Mel Symon

Director, Hader Group QLD

Dr Mel Symon is the Director of Hader Group QLD, leading both Hader Clinic Queensland and Hader Clinic Queensland Private. With more than 30 years of experience in human services and over 20 years as a founder and business leader, Mel has played a central role in establishing and growing Queensland’s leading addiction treatment services.

Mel holds a PhD in Addiction Treatment from the University of Queensland, along with a Master of Mental Health, Master of Professional Management, and a Bachelor of Social Science. Since 2016, she has overseen the development of the 40-bed Hader Clinic Queensland residential rehabilitation program and, in 2021, the creation and opening of the 25-bed Hader Clinic Queensland Private Hospital.

Passionate about lifelong recovery, Mel is dedicated to evidence-based care, meaningful change, and supporting individuals to rebuild their lives through sustainable recovery pathways.

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