Jacob’s Addiction Recovery

Spending nearly a decade in a relentless battle with addiction, Jacob faced immense struggle, loss and relapse, before finding freedom from his addiction.

My name is Jacob and I am 27 years old.

For the most part of a decade, my life was a never-ending battle of addiction and polysubstance use. This is my story:

I was a relatively shy kid growing up. I often felt alienated and always on the outside.

Making friends was almost impossible and something I wasn’t very good at.

I first encountered marijuana at 14 and instantly fell in with that crowd.

I finally fit somewhere, and life started to take off from there because for once, I felt comfortable in my own skin.

Marijuana took away my anxiety, it took away my fear of fitting in and opened the door to friendships – something I had never felt before.

Those friendships quickly became more important than my family and I prioritised them.

By the time I was 16, smoking was a daily habit.

I was smoking before school, during school, after school.

I didn’t think of it as addiction at the time, but I couldn’t go a day without it.

I would become incredibly irritable, restless, and thought the world was crumbling around me without it.

I had no idea that I was dependent both physically and mentally on marijuana.

I found ecstasy, MDMA and pressed pills at 17. I tried acid, ketamine, cocaine, and I started drinking alcohol more regularly.

I was living a party lifestyle and going out every weekend.

I then found benzos at 19; a new high. Before I knew it, I was hooked. This became a daily addiction for the next few years of my life.

I had used every substance under the sun by the time I was 21.

Every new drug I tried, replaced the last. I always used for affect. It didn’t really matter what drug it was. I just didn’t want to feel like me.

After self-detoxing off benzos, marijuana and alcohol crept back into my life.

I needed it to sleep and function daily, it was the equivalent of eating and breathing.

At 22, I was introduced to methamphetamine.

One night after partying, I asked my friend who used ice regularly if I could try some.

He showed me how to smoke it and I fell in love with it.

It gave me that feeling I had been searching for and had never found with any other drug before.

My head stopped racing; I stopped overthinking. I felt entirely comfortable and okay.

In the back of my mind, I knew that meth had a lot of stigma attached to it and I had also seen the damage it had done to other people around me.

I had every intention of just using it on occasion and not ever buying it, these were the restrictions I placed on myself.

But these delusions fell by the wayside within a few weeks. I was addicted, I needed it every day.

I sold everything I owned, and I stole from my job, which I was later fired from.

Despite these things, I still didn’t realise that meth was a problem.

I lived at home and my parents watched my life slowly fall apart.

I couldn’t handle the humiliation of telling them the truth.

The best thing I could do was leave.

I ran away from home and lived in a friend’s garage.

I continued to heavily use.

I got a job in a bar at 23 and rented a room with a different friend.

I discovered the effect of alcohol again.

I was allowed to drink at work, my housemate was an alcoholic and we drank together. I was surrounded by alcohol.

Looking back on my life, there was never a moment where I didn’t want to use or drink.

It didn’t matter what time of day it was; it didn’t matter what substance it was. If it changed the way I felt, then I would use it.

At 24, I decided that I wanted to be clean, but I didn’t know how to stop.

This kicked off my first 60-day stint in rehab at Hader Clinic Queensland.

Regardless of being in the program, I couldn’t at that time come to terms with the fact that the problem was me; not the substances I was using.

I had this preconceived notion that once I was clean, all my problems would go away.

And some of my life did improve, my relationship with my family grew again and I regained some stability.

A week after completing the program, I relapsed.

I spent the next 7 months dancing in and out of Narcotics Anonymous. But the relapses continued, I couldn’t stay clean.

I was completely missing the concept of NA and all the relationships with the people I loved disappeared again.

I was soon hospitalised with an autoimmune disease and admitted for 4 weeks.

I was in pain and as a result was being pumped full of opiates.

This was the catalyst to using again; I was mentally clouded and obsessed with opiates.

I started to buy them off the street and I was dealing to fund my habit.

It soon led me to meet a methamphetamine dealer.

Meth was again my drug of choice, and I was smoking it daily.

Within 4 weeks, I used my first ever needle.

I went on a bender for 2 weeks using intravenously.

I still couldn’t face the reality of my addiction.

I was using benzos too, in hope that it would combat my guilt and shame.

I was quickly using against my will; trapped in a toxic environment and lifestyle. I could barely remember my own name.

I felt broken.

The only way I knew how to deal with my emotions was to use more.

There was a couple of times where I tried to get clean with a friend, but I couldn’t ever get past a few weeks.

The vicious cycle continued, and drugs were my crutch.

I decided to move away to Airlie Beach. Get a fresh start.

But realistically it was the same thing. Benzos, alcohol and marijuana took over again.

I couldn’t escape my life.

I couldn’t hold a job together.

My life was constantly filled with spot fires and before I knew it was a bonfire.

My life was truly unmanageable.

I was often in fights and had to keep moving around, bouncing from one house to another.

It wasn’t long before I became homeless.

It wasn’t until one day I experienced this small moment of clarity out of nowhere and I reached out to Mark, a support worker from Hader Clinic Queensland.

Someone who I had known from my first time in rehab.

I had remembered his email address, so I emailed and asked for his phone number.

It took a few days for me to find the courage to call him, but I did, and it was the best thing I could have done.

A week later, I was back in the doors of Hader Clinic Queensland for the 90-day program.

I was ready, I wanted to give it everything I had. I had to experience the pain and learn to love myself again. I had to love myself more than I loved using.

I have now completed the 90-day rehabilitation program and am living in the transition house.

My idea of rehab and being clean is different now.

Until this recovery, I never believed I was enough or deserved a good life.

One of the biggest tools I use today is to reach out and stay connected with my sponsor, peers and family.

I learnt that I need to be open and honest about how I am feeling, something I hadn’t done in the past. I learnt to be okay with not feeling okay.

Hader Clinic Queensland taught me to have and use a handbrake. To create a pause button in my mind so I can assess rather than react.

My goals are to eventually study mental health and nursing.

I want to work in a job where I can help people.

I spent the better part of a decade taking from anyone who crossed my path, terrorising and traumatising everyone.

I want to make amends by giving back.

Hader Clinic Queensland has helped me save my life.

I now have freedom from active addiction.

If I hadn’t of been able to reach out to Mark, I don’t think I would be here today.

My advice to others considering Hader Clinic Queensland is to open your heart to the solution.

You can sit there and listen with your ears, but you need your heart to be open.

Dr Mel Symon

Director, Hader Group QLD

Dr Mel Symon is the Director of Hader Group QLD, leading both Hader Clinic Queensland and Hader Clinic Queensland Private. With more than 30 years of experience in human services and over 20 years as a founder and business leader, Mel has played a central role in establishing and growing Queensland’s leading addiction treatment services.

Mel holds a PhD in Addiction Treatment from the University of Queensland, along with a Master of Mental Health, Master of Professional Management, and a Bachelor of Social Science. Since 2016, she has overseen the development of the 40-bed Hader Clinic Queensland residential rehabilitation program and, in 2021, the creation and opening of the 25-bed Hader Clinic Queensland Private Hospital.

Passionate about lifelong recovery, Mel is dedicated to evidence-based care, meaningful change, and supporting individuals to rebuild their lives through sustainable recovery pathways.

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