Reclaiming My Life from Ice

My name is Oliver, and for most of my life I believed I could handle everything on my own. Asking for help was never an option. If there was a problem, I dealt with it. If someone needed support, I was the one who stepped up. Looking back now, I realise that I had spent most of my life taking care of other people, whilst completely ignoring myself. That mindset nearly cost me everything.

Today I am in recovery from an addiction to ICE. I have rebuilt relationships, found genuine happiness, and developed a life that feels more meaningful than anything I have ever experienced. Most importantly, I have learned that asking for help is not a weakness. It is one of the bravest things that a person can do. I owe much of that transformation to Hader Clinic Queensland.

I grew up in New Zealand as the middle child of three children. I have an older brother and a younger half sister who is eleven years younger than me. From the outside, I looked like a kid with a bright future. I was a high achiever at school and planned to go to university. Behind closed doors, life was much more complicated.

I was parentified from a very young age, taking on responsibilities far beyond my years. My parents would often go out drinking and and sometimes not come home, leaving me responsible for caring for my infant sister. My older brother was deeply affected by addiction. These experiences taught me to be independent, but they also taught me that I could only rely on myself. That belief stayed with me for decades.

My mother struggled with significant mental health issues and our home life was often unstable. At sixteen years of age, I came out as gay. At the same time, my mother’s mental health was deteriorating, and she simply could not process what I was telling her. I was asked to leave home. My mother experienced a major mental health breakdown and required inpatient psychiatric treatment. 

In what felt like an instant, my plans for the future all but disappeared. I left school and moved in with one of my mother’s friends. It was a painful and confusing time that left me feeling rejected and alone. Looking back now, I can see that many of the emotional wounds that contributed to my addiction began during those years.

Alcohol had already become part of my life long before I left home. I had my first drink at around twelve years of age. Drinking was normalised within my family and there was very little concern about underage drinking. If I could not get alcohol myself, family members would obtain it for me. What started as weekend drinking slowly became something more.

Alcohol use was normalised and became connected to everything, such as socialising, relationships, confidence, and fitting in. I funded my drinking through pocket money and after school jobs. When I left home and began living with older adults, my access to alcohol increased dramatically.

I started working in a bar whilst also beginning a career in the travel industry. Despite being underage, I was regularly going into bars and clubs. I was immersed in environments where excessive drinking was accepted and often encouraged. After about a year, I left bar work and focused entirely on my career in travel. My career in travel would span twenty-five years.

At eighteen, I moved to Australia. Part of the reason for the move was family. Thankfully, over time my family relationships improved significantly. My mother eventually stabilised through treatment and medication for her mental health issues. Today, I have a wonderful relationship with both my mother and my sister. In fact, they are two of the most important people in my life, and in my recovery journey.

For many years, life looked successful from the outside. I built a career, became a father, and spent sixteen years in a committed relationship. My former partner and I share a son, and although we eventually separated, it was an amicable decision. We had simply grown apart and wanted to separate whilst we still respected and cared about each other. So, I moved out.

Then COVID arrived. For me, that was when everything changed. I was living in Melbourne during the multiple lockdowns, and closed borders. Suddenly I found myself alone, isolated from family, separated from my son, and disconnected from much of my support network. The loneliness was overwhelming. I had very little furniture, very little social interaction, and far too much time alone with my thoughts.

That was when ICE entered my life again. I had used methamphetamine around twenty years earlier when living in Singapore. At the time, I became addicted and eventually left to escape that lifestyle. I thought I had left it behind forever. Unfortunately, when I encountered it again during lockdown, I already knew exactly what it was, and what it could do. Very quickly, it got its hooks into me. 

My drug use escalated rapidly. At my worst, I was using up to a gram of ICE a day. I was earning good money through my career in travel and a second job, which meant I could financially sustain the addiction. The consequences, however, were devastating. Although I continued working, I was not functioning well. My mental health deteriorated. My relationships suffered. My life became increasingly centred around obtaining and using drugs.

Remarkably, I stopped drinking during COVID and have not had a drink since. However, I recognise that alcohol remains a risk for me. Before I stopped drinking, I had reached the point where I was drinking throughout the day, because I was isolated at home. If I were to return to alcohol now, I know it would become a problem very quickly.

My family knew what was happening long before I did. My sister had a friend who had attended Hader Clinic Queensland, and she repeatedly suggested that I consider it. At first, I dismissed the idea entirely. To be honest, I thought rehabilitation only existed in television and the movies. I also genuinely did not think that there was anything wrong.

That is the reality of addiction. The person who is suffering the most, often has the least insight into what is happening. Eventually, things deteriorated to the point where I left my job. Once again, my sister raised the idea of rehabilitation. When she told me the program was three months long, I literally nearly choked.

Three months felt impossible. Despite my reservations, I enrolled at Hader Clinic Queensland. That decision set me on the path to recovery and saved my life. However, my admission was not perfect. I stayed for forty days before convincing myself I was ready to leave. The reality was that I was not, and within weeks of leaving, I relapsed.

I moved in with my sister but was eventually asked to leave. My addiction continued to spiral. For the first time in my life, I truly hit rock bottom. I stopped paying bills. I stopped paying my mortgage. I lost hope. Frighteningly, I reached the point where I considered ending my life.

Today, I recognise that period as what many people in recovery call the gift of desperation. I had finally run out of options. For the first time, I understood that I could not do this alone. I returned to Hader Clinic Queensland. My second admission was completely different.

Some of the lessons from my first admission had stayed with me, even after I relapsed. This time, however, something had fundamentally shifted. For the first time in my life, I surrendered. I admitted that I was an addict. I acknowledged that I needed help, and that I could not fix the problem myself. That surrender changed everything.

For years, I had resisted asking for help because I simply did not trust people. I was used to looking after myself and solving my own problems. I had always been fiercely independent, so relying on others felt difficult, and uncomfortable. At Hader Clinic Queensland, I learned that recovery requires connection. I learned to listen, to accept guidance, and to trust the process. Most importantly, I learned that addiction was never really about drugs. It was about how I responded to life.

The team at Hader Clinic Queensland taught me healthy coping mechanisms, emotional regulation, accountability, self awareness, and practical tools for recovery. They helped me understand anger, fear, shame, grief, and resentment. For the first time, I began to understand myself. One of the most powerful lessons I learned was forgiveness. For years, I carried resentment related to my childhood, family experiences, and past relationships.

Through the work I did at Hader Clinic Queensland, I learned that forgiveness is not about excusing behaviour. It is about freeing yourself from the weight of the past. That process has transformed my life. Today, I am deeply involved in my recovery. I attend meetings and work the program every day. I have a sponsor. I attend NA. I practise gratitude and journal every day. I stay connected with people in recovery.

I maintain a home group and participate in service work. I have attended Give Back at Hader Clinic Queensland and continue to gain valuable insights every time I return. Recovery is now part of my daily life. The program reminds me where I came from, where I am today, and where I want to go. One of the most remarkable things about recovery is that I genuinely believe I am a better person today, than I was before addiction. Recovery forced me to grow, and to understand myself, as well as develop healthier ways of living.

Today, when challenges arise, I respond differently. Instead of reacting impulsively, I use the tools I learned at Hader Clinic Queensland. I pause. I reflect. I seek support. I make healthier choices. My relationship with my son is stronger than it has been in years. I have been honest with him about my addiction and my recovery. That honesty has strengthened our connection and allowed us to rebuild trust. 

Life today is not perfect. Recovery does not remove life’s challenges. What it does provide is a healthier way of dealing with them. I remain focused on the present. Looking too far into the future can feel overwhelming, so I concentrate on today. That approach has brought a sense of peace that I never experienced during active addiction.

For anyone struggling with addiction, whether it involves alcohol, drugs, or both, I want you to know that recovery is possible. For healthcare professionals, I hope my story demonstrates that addiction often develops from a complex combination of trauma, isolation, family dynamics, mental health challenges, and learned coping mechanisms. Most importantly, I want people to know that change is possible.

Hader Clinic Queensland gave me the opportunity to focus entirely on myself and my recovery. It gave me the chance to learn who I really am. It gave me hope when I had none. Most importantly, it gave me the opportunity to build a life worth protecting.

Today, life feels richer, more meaningful, and more fulfilling than ever before. I no longer live in survival mode. I no longer carry the weight of the past. I no longer believe that I have to do everything alone. I simply focus on today, trust the process, work my recovery, and remain grateful for the second chance that Hader Clinic Queensland helped me find.

Dr Mel Symon

Director, Hader Group QLD

Dr Mel Symon is the Director of Hader Group QLD, leading both Hader Clinic Queensland and Hader Clinic Queensland Private. With more than 30 years of experience in human services and over 20 years as a founder and business leader, Mel has played a central role in establishing and growing Queensland’s leading addiction treatment services.

Mel holds a PhD in Addiction Treatment from the University of Queensland, along with a Master of Mental Health, Master of Professional Management, and a Bachelor of Social Science. Since 2016, she has overseen the development of the 40-bed Hader Clinic Queensland residential rehabilitation program and, in 2021, the creation and opening of the 25-bed Hader Clinic Queensland Private Hospital.

Passionate about lifelong recovery, Mel is dedicated to evidence-based care, meaningful change, and supporting individuals to rebuild their lives through sustainable recovery pathways.

sss